Why do we get jealous of others? Is Envy an inherent instinct? Does it trigger an innate emotion conducive to self-preservation? Is it similar to that shot of adrenalin that informs humans (and all animal species) of danger — initiating the ‘fight or flight’ instinct?
We are taught that being envious of others is petty, selfish behaviour. As a matter of fact, it is considered one of the seven deadly sins.
However, if we observe early childhood development, envy and selfishness appear to be a basic trait that occurs naturally, and often. Children have to be taught to share, to be considerate, to not want to be the center of attention at all times.
We know that a child’s universe is extremely self-centered. Specifically, because they are unaware that the rest of the world is out there. They know what they know, and need. And that is “everything” is all about them, what they want, when they want it, and right now. When we are children, there is no sense of time and space, or patience. It is instant gratification from the moment we arrive on the planet.
We can’t blame parents for making their child the center of their universe, because children can do nothing for themselves. Everything has to be done for them. Is that the beginning of proprietorship? When children learn that these people (parent caretakers) are their jurisdiction? “They take care of all my needs.”
Even before a child becomes aware of danger, they know their needs will be met by these people (parent caretakers) showering them with affection and protection.
Hence, when that attention is taken away, even momentarily, for say, another small being, it becomes a threat. Sibling Rivalry is universal. It generates feelings of envy, caused by fear that the all important “I” is being neglected and abandoned.
And, if I am abandoned, what will happen to me? Danger! Danger, Will Robinson! warns the programmed robot.
Therefore, envy is a product of fear, like most things that cause us trouble. Even when you connect it to the saying that, “Envy is the highest form of flatter.” It is a reflection of a “sense of self” not having something that someone else has, which reflects back to the abandonment issue.
If I don’t have that, I am not blah blah blah me me me, my my my, I I I…therefore, why does that person have …. and I don’t.
Then, like we do when we are children, we have a need to “take it” from them, to deprive them of this thing that should be ours, so that we will be safe, and happy, and well.
This emotional safeguard starts early. And it continues throughout childhood with our siblings, our friends, our neighbors, our co-workers, our mates, and the people we make our outright enemies. For instance, other countries that we war against.
It requires an enormous amount of grace, and humility, and compassion to overcome this seemingly innate emotional safeguard. The good news is that we are all capable of having all those “good” traits as well. The key is learning to cultivate them.
Unfortunately, the political, religious, and eductional institutions created to do just that, have not succeeded wholly. Instead, they have managed to cultivate seeds of division, which counters those “good” traits, and inflames the emotional safeguard of envy, perpetuating strife, unnecessary conflict, and societal chaos.
It’s one thing to have choices, i.e. a particular faith that suits your needs, etc. However, when we are programmed at the beginning of our lives to believe that our faith, our political preference, our school or team, our nation, our sexual persuasion, is not just a good way, but the best and only way, we have essentially generated societal polarization.
No civilization can survive strongly or lastingly under that strain. Community is threatened while community is under the guise of communing…sharing.
Once we understand that jealousy, envy, and even sibling rivalry are stepchildren of a fearful emotion for self-preservation, we can begin to engender those three most valuable human traits mentioned above: grace, humility, and compassion.
True, there are dangers in the world. Natural disasters, sickness and death, because they are the unknown factor. Human violence and devastation are products of societal flaws created from unnatural fear.
Fear itself, is a product of our imaginations. Envy, jealousy, and sibling rivalry become self-deprecating characteristics left over from our childhood.
Guess what? There are no monsters in the closet or under the bed. And if we’re still suffering from these vices, tendencies toward envy, jealously and sibling rivalry, it’s time to grow up. It’s that simple. But no one is saying it will be easy. Growing pains are never easy.